It just isn't Christmas without You
by StUpIdLoVeLeTtEr
Summary: He hasn't been home for Christmas in two years, she lost her Christmas spirit. The holidays are hard enough when the one you love is not with you, it is even harder when you have to see your family with the love of their lives while you are all alone. Finally, the Christmas she has been waiting for has come and she has her Christmas spirit back for the first time in two years.


**It just isn't Christmas without You**

I was as tired as hell and I felt more like death than I did when I was just in med school. I have worked 36 hours straight, no sleep at all and I have to go back in at three in the morning. I sighed heavily as I drove through the small town of Forks to my dad's house.

He didn't know I was coming in tonight, nobody did. I wanted to surprise him, I haven't been home in a while due to my and his work schedules. It's Christmas Eve and I thought I would come see him, I haven't been home for Christmas in two years.

And I only live in Seattle. I just wasn't feeling Christmas last year, or the year before, or even this year. At least the last two years I actually put up my tree, this year I didn't even bother.

Why would I when the one person I want to spend the holidays with isn't here?

I used to love Christmas, I used to be the most spirited person on the face of this planet when it came to the Christmas season.

But the last two years have kind of sucked the spirit right out of me, but yet here I am looking all Christmas like in my red sweater, heels and my blood red lips.

I rolled my eyes at myself as I parked the car in front of my childhood home, smiling softly to myself as I saw the Christmas lights lit up beautifully and my brother and cousins playing around in the living room.

I hopped out of the car and headed inside where everything was full of Christmas cheer. I walked in and was instantly assaulted by the smell of Christmas cookies and the sound of Christmas music.

Smiling I walked into the kitchen to find Esme, Alice, and my sisters-in-law Rosalie and Riley along with baby Carter sitting in her high chair.

"Bewa!" She squealed in excitement as she saw me enter the room, making all the adults turn around in shock.

"BELLA!" I was instantly enveloped in Alice and Rosalie's arms getting the life squeezed out of me.

"Hey guys."

They pulled away and I couldn't wipe the smile from my face, it's been a while since I have seen them. I looked over at Riley and nodded my head at her, she returned the gesture. We don't get along, not since I found out she was cheating on Edward of course, I kept it quiet though, not because I like her though. I did it for my step brother, who for some odd reason seems to really love her, and besides I told her it was up to her to tell him not me.

She still hasn't done it.

"Oh Bella honey, it's been too long! Come here and give me a hug sweetie!" Esme-my step mom gushed while holding her arms out to me. I smiled, sat my Starbucks and my wallet down on the counter before stepping into her arms.

"Hey Esme." She stiffened slightly at my words, I wouldn't call her mom and I knew it hurt her feelings a little bit…but she wasn't my mother, she was a better mother than my real mom don't think differently. But she isn't my real mother.

"How are you sweetie? We haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, don't you work on Christmas Eve?" Alice asked as we all congregated around the island.

"I just got off actually, I thought I would drop in and see everybody. Is dad here?" I asked hopefully.

They all looked at one another and they each had a sour look on their faces before Esme answered me. _Great. _

"Bella honey…he had to stay a little later tonight, he won't be home for a few hours. I'm sorry sweetie."

My mood fell considerably, as if this Christmas could get any worse. Let's just add not getting to see my dad for another Christmas on the list too shall we?

"Oh, well do you think he will be home before ten?"

The look on her face said it all. _No way. _

"Well, maybe he will be home before, I don't know. You could wait around and see." She was very hopeful, and so were the girls. I just couldn't.

"I can't, I have to be back into work at three in the morning and I have to get home and get some sleep. I'm already behind because I came all the way out here."

"You have to work on Christmas?" Rose asked in disbelief, not even my dad worked on Christmas.

"Yeah, Mercy is a lot different than Forks Medical. I did have it off but someone called in last minute. If things go like I know they will, I'll be there all day."

_Wasn't that the truth? _

"That sucks, I'm sorry Bella. I wish you could be here." Alice said with a sad look in her eye.

"Yeah me too. Is there anything I can help you with in here?"

"No, no, no! You go in the living room and see the boys for a minute, we have everything in here sweetie!" Esme shooed me away easily. Not looking me in the eye, she was upset.

"You sure?"

"Yes, now go!"

"Alright." I turned around and grabbed my Starbucks as I went.

I stopped in the hall and listened in to what they were saying before I went into the living room with the boys.

"Esme, what's wrong?" I heard Alice asked as Esme lightly sobbed.

"It just hurts me to see her this way. She used to love Christmas, she used to be the most festive of us all and now it is like Christmas isn't anything to her."

"Well I think that has a lot to do with Alistair not getting to come home for the holidays the past few years." Rose added.

"That's true, she loves that boy and it breaks her every year that he doesn't get to come home. And because he doesn't come home she works herself to death so that she doesn't think about him being away and so it hurts less."

"I know that girls, but I hate that it is taking such a toll on her. And ultimately it is taking a toll on Carlisle as well, he misses her so much and he hates seeing her hurt. I wish she could stay for Christmas, she hasn't been able to in so long and I know it crushed her to hear that Carlisle is still at work."

"It'll work itself out Esme, let's just get through the holidays one step at a time. And who knows? Maybe we will have a miracle and everyone will be able to be together for Christmas this year."

They were all so optimistic, I wish I could be that optimistic about things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Christmas Eve~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat down in my desk chair heavily, it had been a long night and all I wanted to do was go home to my family and spend what little bit of Christmas eve I could with them before everyone headed off to bed.

The little ones were in bed by now so I knew I would miss seeing them, but I knew my kids and wife were still up. I just hope my little girl is there as well…I opened my phone to see I had a missed call and a voice message.

I decided to listen to it before I took off for the night.

"_Hey daddy, it's me. Um I just called to tell you that I stopped by to see you but Esme said you were going to be working late tonight. I really wish I could have waited for you, but I have to go back in at three in the morning so I had to head home and get some sleep. I love you daddy, and I'm so sorry I can't come home for Christmas again this year. I'll try and come down after Christmas if I can, Merry Christmas daddy I love you." _

By the time the message ended tears were silently rolling down my cheeks and staining my shirt. This is the second year in a row I won't get to spend Christmas with my daughter, but this is also the third year she has to spend the holidays away from Alistair.

I just miss my little girl and it kills me every year that I go home on Christmas Eve and she is not there with the others.

_Just don't think about it Carlisle and you will be fine. _

With that thought in my head I gathered my things and locked up for the night before heading to the hospital parking lot and making my way to the Mercedes.

It wasn't a long drive to the house, I was lost in thought the whole way anyway so I didn't really take too much notice to the drive itself.

By the time I pulled into the garage my face was wet with tears, I whipped my face roughly before getting out of the car and heading into the house to find that everyone was waiting up in the living room.

Everyone in their pajamas. I could see that the children already set out the cookies and milk for Santa. I smiled to myself as I shrugged out of my coat and shoes and left everything in the hall closet as I always do.

"You all didn't have to wait up on me." I said with a smile as I walked into the living room.

"Hey pops!" Emmett greeted with a smile.

"Hey son, how is my little Carter hm?"

"She's good old man, she was excited to see Bella today. Poor baby cried so hard when she had to leave."

My face fell slightly at the mention of my baby girl, but I managed to keep the smile on my face as I went to sit beside my wife. I kissed her on the lips chastely before sitting beside her on the love seat.

"And how are Maliyah and Jasmine?" I asked my step son who sat snuggled up on the oversized ottoman with his wife.

"They are perfect little angels as always." He said with a very unconvincing smile. Terrible twos are hitting them early.

"Don't worry son, it'll get easier." I winked at him, causing him to smile at me genuinely.

"What about you girls? How are my daughter in laws?"

"We're good Carlisle, thanks." Riley and Rose chorused together with soft smiles on their faces. I then looked to my nephew Jasper and his lovely wife Alice.

"And you two?"

"We're great Uncle C. Baby is doing good as well." He said while rubbing Alice's stomach.

"Good to hear it."

"How was work dear? Was it busy tonight?" Esme asked while threading our fingers together.

"It wasn't as bad as it usually is this time of year but I was on my feet most of the night. I will be feeling the repercussions tomorrow morning in my lower back." I said with a sour look on my face.

"Told you dad, you're getting old." Em said with a smirk as he hugged Rosalie to him.

"Yeah, you never let me forget it Emmett." I said with a roll of my eyes, causing the others to laugh slightly.

"I sent Bella home with some of the treats we made so hopefully she will have something to snack on tomorrow while she is working."

"That was sweet of you love, I'm sure she appreciated it."

"Oh yeah she did, she nearly cried when Esme and Alice were loading her arms with Christmas treats to take home. She looked so worn and tired when she got here, I'm surprised she was able to stand." Rose commented looking concerned for my little girl. They were good friends, and for this I was thankful, I'm glad they all get along so well.

"Yeah, but I was glad to see her looking so festive. I was shocked when she came in here in all that red. Red sweater, red heels, red lips. And that 'Mrs. Clause' wallet she had was so adorable."

"It was cute, and that phone case too! 'Keep calm and wait for Santa' it was too cute. But you know why she was wearing that."

"Why?" Emmett asked with a quirk of his brow, not entirely understanding what the girls were talking about.

"Come on Emmett, it wasn't just for work even though that was what she said."

"Why else would she have been so dressed up Rose? She can barely stand the holidays anymore."

"Think Emmett, Alistair bought her that phone case two years ago, gave it to her after he came home two weeks after Christmas. The wallet was also a gift from him last year, he had his mother give it to her on Christmas along with the outfit she was wearing. He bought her the sweater, the earrings, the skirt, and his mom picked out the shoes but it was all bought with his money."

"I didn't know that." Alice said in surprise…I knew Alistair and her would exchange gifts whenever he got home, but I never knew that.

"Yeah, Alistair and Bella both love Christmas and they rarely have ever spent the holiday away from one another. I only know all this because Bella spilled her feelings to me the other day when I went to have lunch with her in Seattle. She misses him more than we know you guys, it is tearing her apart that he can't be here with her every day. Why do you think she won't come around? She can't handle seeing everyone paired off with kids, or kids on the way. We all know how badly Bella wants to start a family, but she can't do it alone and until Alistair finishes service then they aren't going to be having a family anytime soon. She can't even put a Christmas movie on because everything Christmas related reminds her of Alistair and the fact that he isn't here."

I was speechless, I had no idea that Bella's feelings were running this deep. She hadn't talked to me about it in a while, the last time she did though we really hashed a lot of things out. It seems as though it has gotten worse since the last time we spoke about it.

"Poor Bella, gosh I couldn't imagine being away from Jasper during the holidays."

"Yeah I couldn't imagine being away from Emmett. That's why she works so much during the holiday, to try and get it off her mind. It doesn't really work all that well but she does the best she can."

I hate that my baby is going through this time alone, she has been for the past three years. At least three years ago she was dealing with it better that was only the first time he couldn't come home.

After that, it started to get harder on her. This year, I think she has completely lost her holiday spirit and that alone breaks my heart.

I hate knowing that my baby is hurting and there is nothing I can do about it. I just want her to be okay, that is all I want for all my children. _Please just let my daughter come home for Christmas, and if it is not too much to ask…could you bring Alistair home as well? _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Christmas Day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was sitting at the nurse's station just watching as two of the male nurse's plaid a game to pass the time. We have been dead for hours and it was only ten o'clock in the morning.

I have been here for eight hours and I have only treated a handful of patients. Maybe five or six, not very many.

"Hey Bella, why don't you go home for the day? You worked last year on Christmas, we got things here."

I looked up to see my boss standing in front of me, he looked pretty serious.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you go on ahead. Go see that family of yours, spend some time with them I know you don't see them enough!" he shooed me away, literally.

I laughed lightly while getting up from the char and headed toward the staff locker room. I changed out of my work clothes and into some skinny jeans, a green tank top, a tan cardigan and some ankle boots.

Once I had changed I grabbed my bag and headed for the Hospital parking lot so that I could get to Forks. This is the first year that I will be home for Christmas, boy am I excited to see my daddy's face when I walk through that door.

It was snowing, not too hard, but it was pretty steady as I made my way from Seattle to Forks. The roads were crazy, there was ice everywhere and I had seen at least two wrecks already on my way home.

Good thing I am such a safe driver or I would have been spending the holiday in the hospital myself, and not because I was working.

An hour later I was pulling up the driveway and parking in the grass in front of the house beside Emmett and Rosalie's car. I smiled to myself as I saw everyone through the window wall, they were all sitting around the living room in their Christmas wear.

Perfect timing I guess.

"Hey! Merry Christmas everybody!" I yelled as I walked into the house, smelling all the amazing treats and hearing all the soft Christmas music playing in the back ground.

"Bella?" I smiled as I walked into the living room to see my dad's shocked/surprised face. He had tears in his eyes as he stood up and walked over to me.

"Merry Christmas daddy." I squealed in excitement as he enveloped me in his arms and twirled me around in a circle.

"Merry Christmas baby, I'm so glad you are home!" he kissed my cheeks and my head repeatedly, unable to release me for fear I would disappear.

"I thought you were working today?"

"I was, we were so dead that my boss let me go. Told me to come home and spend time with my family."

Daddy smiled widely at me and hugged me once more before letting me go so that I could say hi to everyone else.

"It's great to have you home for Christmas little sister." Em said as he sat me down after his signature bear hug.

"It's good to be home Em."

After I gave everyone else a hug and said hi to the little ones daddy came and sat beside me as Esme handed me my presents from everyone.

"You guys didn't have to do this, I didn't want anything." I said in exasperation as I began opening the first gift.

"She objects but she still opens the gifts." Jasper laughed as they watched me open my many presents.

I just rolled my eyes at him and continuing opening, saying thank you to the respected persons after I opened a gift, the other gifts. When I got to the present Esme and dad got me I was ready to die.

"Is this a hint that I need to start working out again?" I asked with a slight chuckle as I held up the compression shorts and hoodie. That's what my workout attire normally consists of.

"No, we just thought you might want some more workout clothes is all honey." Dad laughed while kissing my cheek.

"Oh, well in that case thanks. Thanks to everyone, you guys really didn't have to do this."

They really didn't have to, all I wanted was my family and I have that now…well, almost that is. With that thought my mood dropped instantly, I really missed him, even more so now that I was home. Around people who were married and had started a family of their own.

I hid my eyes from view, not wanting anyone to see the tears that were forming there. I didn't want to be sad today, and I especially didn't want anyone else being sad either, not for my sake.

"Hey Uncle C are you expecting anybody?" I heard Jazz ask as he walked into the living room from the kitchen.

"Not that I know of why?"

"Looks like somebody just pulled up." He looked over my head and out the window to see a car pull up and let someone out before driving off back down the drive. It had started pouring the snow by the time I made it to Forks so I couldn't really make out who it was.

"Huh let me go see who it is." Daddy got up and headed for the door just as the guest got there.

"You know, you were more festive yesterday. What happened?" Alice asked, averting my attention from the mystery guest.

"I just put on the clothes I had in my locker Ali. I didn't even know I was going to get to come home, I'm lucky I made it here when I did though."

"That's the truth, the storm is picking up." Emmett commented as he watched out the window.

"Look who I found out in the cold everyone." Dad announced as he walked back into the living room with a big smile on his face. The person behind him came into view and my heart skipped a beat.

It can't be.

"Alistair?"

He smiled that award winning smile that made my insides churn. His blue eyes sparkled as they met mine, he was here, he was really here.

"Hey beautiful."

I jumped up from the couch and ran into his arms, he met me half way and picked me up and twirled me around in a circle. I cried into his shoulder, unable to contain myself any longer. This is our first Christmas together in such a long time.

"I've missed you." I whispered into his neck before pulling back to look into his glistening eyes.

"I've missed you too baby, I told you I would do anything in my power to be home for Christmas this year."

"I can't believe you are here right now."

"Well believe it beautiful." And with that he crashed his lips to mine in a passionate kiss that had the bows cat calling, the girls 'awed' and the kids squealing 'EWW'.

We laughed into the kiss before finally having to pull away and just lean our foreheads on one another's.

"I have something for you." He whispered as things slowly quieted.

"What? No, having you home is enough Alistair. I don't want or need anything else."

He ignored me of course, acted as if he never heard a word I said as he pulled away and went for something in his pocket before lowering onto his right knee. I gasped loudly while covering my mouth with my hand as my eyes widened to saucers.

"Alistair." I gasped in surprise as he opened the box to reveal the most beautiful engagement ring I have ever seen.

"Isabella Marie Cullen, I have loved you since the first day I laid my eyes on you. I never deserved your love, nor did I deserve you giving me the time of day. You mean everything to me, I would do anything to keep you safe. It's because of you that I chose to serve my country, so that you could always have a safe place to live. I know this has been a long time coming but I hope that you can forgive me for that. I will give you everything your heart desires, and I shall cherish you for the rest of my days. Will you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?"

The tears were rolling down my cheeks freely by this point, everyone in the room was deadly silent as they awaited my reply.

"Yes." I gasped on a sob, a smile lighting up his face instantly as he slipped the ring on my finger.

He jumped up, pulling me into his arms and spinning us in a circle as he kissed me passionately as the room roared in excitement.

"Merry Christmas baby girl." He whispered against my lips as we held one another close.

"Merry Christmas Alistair, I love you so much."

_Thank you for bringing him home to me. _


End file.
